Roommate Guide
Fostering a good relationship with your roommate(s) is an important part of your graduate housing experience. This guide is designed to help you navigate interpersonal dynamics, set expectations, and create and maintain a positive living environment. Whether you're deciding if you want to live in shared housing, establishing house rules, or resolving conflicts, our guide provides practical tips and resources to ensure a smooth and enjoyable co-living experience.
Questions
If you need further assistance, please contact the Graduate Life Office (GLO) directly. If you need further assistance, please contact the Graduate Life Office (GLO) directly.
Shared Housing
There are many housing options for graduate students at Stanford, which one is the right one for you? You may choose shared housing for a variety of reasons. It is important to reflect on your priorities, needs and ability to live with others before committing to a shared living situation.
- Things to reflect on before considering your housing options:
- What are your expectations going into shared housing?
- Think about any previous experiences in shared housing, what did you learn about yourself and others? What would you do differently?
- What type of environment do you want your room to be? Study space, hangout space, mixture of both?
- What are your wants and needs?
- How do you communicate your needs?
- How do you approach conflict?
Building Connections
Forming a good roommate relationship takes time, so approach it with patience and a team mindset. Your roommate is your partner in creating a comfortable living space, and setting clear expectations early on can make all the difference.
Stanford Housing has set up a portal for you to communicate with your new roommate. Whether you have been living in your current space for a while and are getting a new roommate, or you are both new to Stanford Housing, it is important to connect and connect early!
You will have the opportunity to share contact information with your assigned roommate prior to one or both of you checking in. Once you are assigned to a specific apartment, closer to your move-in date, you will receive an email from your Housing Service Center with a link to a Roommate Information portal.
- In your first meeting, discuss the fundamentals of sharing your space - Starting on the same page helps create a smoother, more enjoyable living experience for both of you:
- Common areas – Cleaning responsibilities and etiquette for the kitchen, living room, and bathroom.
- Sharing rules – What items are communal (e.g., microwave, tissue paper, food, blender)?
- Daily routines – Sleeping schedules, noise levels, and guest policies. Are there specific sounds that bother you?
- Negotiables vs. non-negotiables – Establish what’s flexible and what’s a firm boundary.
- Communication expectations – How and when will you check in with each other? What’s the best way to address concerns or conflicts?
- Starting on the same page helps create a smoother, more enjoyable living experience for both of you.
Setting Expectations
You may find it useful to document the shared expectations at or after your first meeting. Here are some items to consider reviewing and documenting.
- Communication
- Preferred Communication
- Use of Shared Spaces
- Kitchen
- Living Room
- Bathroom
- Patio
- Cleaning
- Cleaning of Shared Spaces
- Cleaning Up After Yourself
- Cleaning Schedule - How Often?
- Noise
- Schedules and Activites
- What is Disturbing and When is Noise Disturbing?
- Guests
- Are Guests Allowed?
- Notifications
- Where Are Guests Allowed?
- How Long Can Guests Stay?
Please also review your Residence Agreement to make sure you are both in compliance with university and housing policy.
Relationship Maintenance
A great roommate relationship starts with openness, curiosity, and flexibility. Approach discussions with a shared goal of creating a living space that works for everyone. Use reflection questions to guide conversations, knowing this is just the beginning—follow-ups will help maintain harmony. Review your residence agreement and stay engaged in ongoing communication to build a respectful and supportive home.
Keeping an open line of communication with your roommate is key to a positive living experience. Schedule regular check-ins—whether weekly, biweekly, or monthly—to discuss any concerns, adjust expectations, and celebrate what’s working well.Consistent, honest conversations build trust and ensure that small issues don’t turn into big problems.
- Things to Keep In Mind
- Take some time to get to know each other - hobbies, interests, area of study
- Meeting can be casual - Roommate Dinners once a month or quarter, Coffee Chats or walks together
- Be proactive - Ask for feedback and permission before making changes and don’t wait if you have a concern.
- Don’t make assumptions - Seek clarity during your meetings
- Neutral spaces - If there is a concern go to a neutral space to discuss.
Roommate Conflict
Disagreements are a natural part of sharing a space, but handling them with respect and open communication makes all the difference. How you approach a conflict can make a difference. A little patience and understanding can turn conflicts into opportunities for a stronger roommate relationship.
- It can be an opportunity to learn more about yourself and others
- It can strengthen your relationships
- It is not inherently bad or an indication of failure
- If not addressed, conflict may persist and have an impact on the relationship
- Reflect
- What is the issue or concern?
- What emotions am I feeling?
- What options do I have to address this?
- What would be some collaborative solutions for the concern?
- No Assumptions or Judgements
- Avoid making assumptions—ask questions to understand your roommate’s perspective instead of jumping to conclusions.
- Let go of judgment and approach the conversation with curiosity and a willingness to compromise.
- No Winners
- Conflict isn’t about winning or proving a point—it’s about finding a way to live together peacefully.
- Avoid assigning blame and be solution-focused instead.
- Use Conflict Resolution Strategies
- “I” Statements - express your feelings and needs without placing blame
- "I feel frustrated when dishes pile up because I like a clean space" instead of "You never do the dishes."
- Active Listening - Give your roommate your full attention, acknowledge their perspective, and summarize what you hear to ensure understanding.
- Conflict Style - Understand your own conflict resolution style (Accommodating, Avoiding, Collaborative, Competing, Compromising)
- “I” Statements - express your feelings and needs without placing blame
- Solution Focused
- Work together to find a compromise that meets both of your needs.
- Consider multiple solutions instead of just one.
- Don’t get too deep into the details.
- Don’t spend too much time on how you or they are reacting.
Resources for Conflict
Most conflicts can be resolved between roommates, but if conversations become unproductive, emotions run too high, there are serious violations of the Residence Agreement or the same issues keep resurfacing despite your efforts, it may be time to seek outside help. If you ever feel unsafe or disrespected, don’t hesitate to ask for support immediately. Seeking help isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a step toward creating a healthier living environment for everyone.
- Graduate Life Office - Support resource for non-academic concerns
- University Ombudsperson - Support resource concerns regarding conflicts, grievances and mediation services
- SoM Ombudsperson - Support resource concerns regarding conflicts, grievances, and mediation services (School of Medicine Affiliates only)
- Housing Assignments - Requests or applications for a different housing contract (ex. You live in EVGR and requesting a reassignment to Munger or you live in Single student housing and would like to move to housing for Couple without Children)
- Housing Service Centers - Requests for a reassignment within your same type of housing (ex. You live in EVGR and requesting a reassignment in EVGR)
